Lizzie Mcguire Was My Pre-Teen Life Coach

By Victoria Kao

Let us all take a moment to thank those magical elves hiding behind online names that lurk on the wondrous site of YouTube.

Because of them, YouTube is graced with videos of AWOLNATION cat, diarrhea-stricken hippopotami and the only thing that matters: full episodes of Lizzie McGuire.

Let me repeat. FULL. EPISODES. OF. LIZZIE. MCGUIRE.

I’m talking about 2001-2004, 13-year-old Hilary Duff with a disturbing, yet lovable high voice with crimped hair and literally every item of clothing from Limited Too.

I was 10 when this show aired, putting me only a few years behind Lizzie. I was at the perfect age during the run of the show because Lizzie prepared me for puberty and middle school life in advance. Thanks to her and comrades Miranda and Gordo, I was well-equipped with all the tools necessary to survive my pre-teen years.

Lizzie taught me that my room as a 13-year-old would be absolutely massive and well-equipped with vanities, a window couch and home phone line. (It wasn’t.)

Lizzie taught me that I would have one sole enemy named Kate for the rest of my life who was an overly-popular cheerleader with giant hair. (Her name was Jenna, and she was awful.)

Lizzie taught me that it was OK for me to be clueless in bra-shopping. Thank God for the episode, “Between a Rock and a Bra Place,” or else I would’ve been a fool not knowing that sizes came in 30s and ABC’s. (I’m pretty sure my first bra was a hand-me-down.)

Lizzie taught me my first boyfriend would be the cute mail-boy who would take me rollerskating and crush my heart and soul after a week. (Damn you Kevin, for only asking me out in the sixth grade because you picked my name out of a hat.)

Lizzie taught me that I would get to kiss my tween celebrity crush and perform in his popular Christmas hit. (I once screamed my proposal to Joe Jonas at a concert…does that count?)

Lizzie taught me that if I snuck out to see the newest movie about a volcano, I’d be caught on live television. (My mom didn’t have to find out by watching news… I was crying to her because the Ring 2 was giving me nightmares.)

Lizzie taught me that rhythmic gymnastics was the COOLEST. SPORT. EVER. (Unfortunately, my school didn’t offer it so I was deprived of the awesome ribbon-twirling activity.)

Lizzie taught me that my mom will buy a much cooler pair of jeans for $20 instead of frill covered bellbottoms for $60. (I’m still scarred from the ‘I Heart Carbs’ shirt my mom bought me in 8th grade.)

And then the show went off air in 2004, and I graduated middle school. Lizzie went off to Italy and performed “Hey Now” in Rome while I entered the jaws of ninth grade life. But I survived, because I had my crimper, frilled shirts and best friends… (okay, friend) to get me through the horrible pubescent years.

So once again, thank you, person hiding behind the online name “Disneyshows”. Whenever I’m about to embark on my frequent, semi quarter-life crisis freakouts, I turn to your channel on YouTube and revert back to simpler times.

P.S. Full episodes of That’s So Raven also exist on the inter webs of YouTube. OH SNAP.