By Ada Li
Coffee is a life source to many. Without it, one’s day goes from bad to terrible. That may seem a little dramatic, but whether or not you drink coffee, you know you associate certain orders with certain types of people.
Note: This article is meant to be a humorous piece stereotyping coffee drinkers.
This person seems insane and probably the most bitter person alive, but those who drink black coffee are actually the complete opposite. They are simple and prefer to taste their coffee, drinking it straight black for both taste and convenience.
Regular Coffee with Cream and Sugar
The complete opposite of the black coffee drinker, this person wants to be the black coffee drinker but lacks the courage to enjoy coffee without the help of cream and sugar. They might still be a simple person but they do enjoy a little spice in their lives once in a while. The cream and sugar represent a need for some variety, yet nothing too crazy like the frappuccino drinker.
If you think about it, coffee is basically hot bean water. Adding more water to already flavored water is a strange concept. Those who drink Americanos are most likely to love watching the world burn. This person probably takes up two bus seats on purpose without feeling guilty. I mean, why else would someone drink watered-down coffee?
When you hear someone ordering an espresso, you know that person means business. Most likely a business person, the espresso drinker is always on a time crunch and is very straightforward. They’re probably sleep-deprived and cranky before their espresso shot. The amount of espresso shots this person orders will equal their patience level for idiocracy; the higher the number, the lower their level of patience in that pre-coffee moment.
The latte drinker plays it safe when making decisions. Lattes are the go-to drink for the casual coffee drinker. You get the taste of coffee, but the milk helps to downplay its bitter taste. As a classic beverage, the latte drinker has more of a laid-back personality.
People call frappuccino drinkers basic. They can be, but they are also the most energetic of all the coffee drinkers. Because they prefer sugary goodness over the taste of coffee, they are fun and sweet. That being said, they shouldn’t really be considered coffee drinkers at all.
The cappuccino drinker oozes with sophistication. Even the word “cappuccino” sounds posh and a little intimidating. Just like the drink, the person may seem a little stuck-up at first. However, once you get to know them, they are as chill as the latte drinker but with a little more style.
Coffee quote image created by Ada Li