By Ada Li
Don’t you hate it when your partner in crime decides to get a significant other? Throw having his or her undivided attention out the window and be prepared to share their time. All of a sudden, your best friend becomes someone who doesn’t even tag you in memes on Facebook. When you think all is lost, there is still a glimmer of hope. Your ex-partner in crime decides to take you out on a date, but little do you know her significant other tags along since they are a package deal now. Fear not, because one thing the significant other doesn’t have is years of memories with your best friend up their sleeves. They have nothing on you, so turn this situation around and make the significant other the third wheel by executing the following advice.
Interrupt them every time they try to get intimate.
Whether it is walking down the street or inside a restaurant, if you see the significant other reaching for your best friend’s hand, intercept this action ASAP. This can come in the form of a low five or casually walking between them. If you’re confident enough, you can grab both of their hands, smile and tell them how much this means to you. Do the same if they’re going in for a kiss. Try to look oblivious so they don’t get suspicious.
Bring up past memories.
This one is important, and execution is everything. By doing this, you are exerting dominance over the significant other. Casually slide in inside jokes and stories from the past that show how much you two know about each other and how little they know about each other.
Turn the conversation back to you.
Whenever you feel that your partner in crime is trying to include her significant other, turn the conversation back to you. That means you’re talking most of the time and leaving little room for him or her to interject.
If all else fails, start crying uncontrollably.
This date is all about you, because after all, your partner in crime is the one that invited you to hang out. Feel free to cry out of nowhere if the above steps don’t work. Cry and complain about how much your life is a mess (bonus points if you can cry on cue). This is guaranteed to get your partner in crime’s undivided attention.
At the end of the day, you want the significant other to become the third wheel. If you’re successful, your friend will continue to be your partner in crime. If not, it’s time to find a new best friend, because you’ve just ruined two relationships: yours with your partner in crime, and hers with her significant other.
This is a humor piece.