By Scott Gantner
It’s time to get a gift for your significant other. Whether it’s a birthday, religious holiday, anniversary, Arbor Day, or just cause it’s Wednesday, you wanna give a gift that’s amazing or else you’ll never hear the end of it. When their friends ask them what they got, their reaction should be green with envy, as they cringe to say, “Whoa, awesome!” So here’s a short list of presents you should look into for your special someone.
1. Baseball Bat and Watermelon
Have you ever had a friend toss a watermelon towards you and smashed it into pieces with a bat? Do you want to? Of course you do — because it’s awesome. One cool way to roll out this gift is by wrapping up only the bat. When your boyfriend/girlfriend opens it and looks at you in confusion, pull the watermelon out from a hiding spot and throw it at them. Instincts will take over, and they’ll destroy the thing. I recommend doing this outside, but it’s a free country.
2. Lottery Tickets
If you’re getting a gift for someone who is way too practical/cheap/good-at-math to buy lottery tickets, then you’re in luck! Not only did you find a partner who avoids paying the stupidity tax, but you have the perfect gift that they never saw coming. Get a few bucks worth of powerball, scratchoffs or whatever floats your boat, and put them inside a traditional Hallmark card. They might scoff at how silly it is to waste money on the lottery, but since you gave it to them for free, the only reasonable thing to do is to play the cards they’ve been dealt. You just gave a guilt-free chance to become a millionaire! Extra Bonus: If they do win, guess who they’ll be forever grateful to?
Fiverr is a website people buy and sell goods and services for $5. Some of the stuff on there is perfect for gift giving. You can get a really nice caricature, a cool looking trinket or a thousand other out-of-the-box present ideas all for the price of one green picture of Abe Lincoln.
4. T-Shirt Cannon
I have no idea where you would get a t-shirt cannon or how much it would cost. But I know one thing; T-shirt cannons are the fucking best. Get one for your boyfriend/girlfriend and exude greatness.
The Spread 