If You’re Hot, You’re a Crush. If You’re Not, Go Crush Yourself

By John Wong and Christina Masterson

From the early days of Hot or Not to the more recent app, Tinder, it is obvious that your hotness can and will be measured. The University of Illinois, no matter how prestigious of an institution it is considered, still knows how to have a little raunchy fun of its own so it was only a matter of time before they came up with their own method of communicating their sexual desires to their peers.

The method in question is the Twitter account “UIllinois Crushes,” also known as @illinicrushes.

Now, it should be noted that many of these Twitter accounts also exist at other universities and have recently become a phenomenon in the college social media world. Prominent universities along the likes of Ohio State University (@BuckeyeCrushes), the University of Michigan (@UMichCrushes) and the University of Dayton (@UD_Crushes) all have their own sexual favor request hotline, all just a quick Twitter search away.

UIllinois Crushes started out as a somewhat genuine account where students would send in anonymous shoutouts to their “crushes,” but in recent history, has since fallen prey to jokesters, as I have searched for the people that these anonymous students claim to have seen looking mighty hot and fierce at the Transit Plaza bus stop and, let me say, that is certainly not the case.

I suppose this is all subjective because they just might not be capable of taking decent pictures for Facebook, but at the same time you have people begging to “take the dandruff out of [his] hair and snort it in rows, like heroin!” I personally think this enhances the University of Illinois’ reputation as a university that knows how to work hard, but party harder.

Anyhow, The Spread’s very own Christina Masterson managed to get a shout-out on the Twitter account recently:

Here are more samples of the typical Tweets sent in to UIllinois Crushes on the daily:

Sometimes, you have to question the sanity of the people posting. If you’re looking for a good time, like the two ratchet horndogs above, you should hit up one of those websites offering private chat sessions with all the people around your area who are equally as thirsty as you are not a Twitter account (that is actually becoming a parody of itself and one that nobody actually took that seriously in the first place).

What started off as an innocent Twitter account where university students could playfully (whether serious or not) send in anonymous flirts to their potential holy betrothed has turned into a forum for pranksters and frat boys to send in graphic (albeit hilarious) Tweets that would make readers of generations past shudder with disgust, but entertain the majority of college students who go on UIllinois Crushes for a good laugh.

I commend and actually encourage people to follow suit and be as perverted and graphic as possible because we all have a little jokester/sexual miscreant inside all of us, and Twitter accounts such as Ullinois Crushes provide the perfect outlet for such erotic emotions.

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